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The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby Killashandra » June 13th, 2010, 6:00 pm

Maurisa should remember this one, she posted it on the other site. it was one of those i saved to my hard drive :mrgreen:

Thirty-Five Things I've Learned From X-Files Fanfiction

1. There is no situation or episode after which it is too improbable or even impossible for Mulder and Scully to have sex. Cancer, for example, is a good aphrodisiac, as is the death of a family member.

2. Mulder and Scully often have long, in-depth, open conversations about their feelings, though these always happen off-screen. These also, invariably, lead to sex.

3. What we see on screen only scratches the surface of how crazy Mulder actually is. It is amazing he can function at all on a day-to-day basis, much less still be an FBI agent, with how much insanity is lurking in his head.

4. Much of this insanity is related to Mulder's profiling ability, which isn't just spooky, it's darn near supernatural. Mulder often loses himself in the mind of a killer, and Only Scully Can Save Him from the Abyss (And Then They Have Sex, aka ATTHS).

5. Mulder and Scully suffer almost constantly from nightmares. These always require comfort from the other, which means sex.

6. Mulder and Scully are magnets for car crashes. It is a rare car trip that does not result in an accident, a hospital stay, recuperating at home – ATTHS, of course.

7. In fact, Mulder and Scully are constantly being shot, stabbed, or otherwise critically injured, even beyond what we saw in the show. Again, this results in time spent being cared for by the other, ATTHS.

8. Both M&S have numerous past lovers waiting in the wings to come back at the most inopportune moments. This will lead to fights between the two, angst, ATTHS.

9. It is possible that even at the end of the series, when Mulder and Scully have kissed passionately, talked about the child they had together, and end up holding each other on the same bed, that they still never had sex. (Though this goes against all the fanfic evidence stating that they were having sex every time they were off-screen for nine seasons.)

10. Any character could be in a sexual relationship with any other character – again, there is no such thing as this being too improbable or even impossible. (True for any fandom!)

11. No character that we saw die is actually permanently dead. (True for any fandom, and Chris Carter actually pretty much said this.)

12. Mulder and Scully spend long hours listening to songs and thinking about the ways in which they are true for their lives. (Can also lead to declarations of love ATTHS.)

13. Mulder is constantly wildly jealous of any man who so much as speaks to Scully, though this also mostly happens off-screen. The same is true for Scully, about Mulder – for example, the experience of Dr. Bambi Berenbaum wounded her deeply.

14. Quite apart from “Never Again”, both Mulder and Scully are prone to having one-night stands with random people just to make the other jealous, especially after feeling particularly taken for granted. As is only natural, this leads to a huge fight, apologies, ATTHS – not necessarily in that order.

15. The FBI holds frequent balls which all agents are required to attend. Scully secretly yearns for them, though she would never tell Mulder how much she dreams of dressing up for him and being on his arm. Mulder cherishes similar dreams, although he knows he can never be worthy of Scully. These often lead to declarations of love ATTHS.

16. Using the elevator to reach the basement office (or any elevator, for that matter) is dangerous, as it often breaks down, leaving our intrepid agents trapped inside. They can make the best of it, however – ATTHS.

17. Bill Scully is one of the most evil, unreasonable people on the planet. He is extraordinarily sexist and does not accept that his sister can be a good FBI agent and enjoy her job. He will never, ever accept Scully's feelings for Mulder (or vice versa), and it is a wonder Scully ever speaks to him.

18. Mulder was definitely married to Diana Fowley back in the day – the infamous wedding ring was certainly not just David Duchovny playing a trick/being a jerk to viewers. This leads to much angst from Scully when she finds out, which means Mulder must convince her how much of a mistake it was, ATTHS.

19. Both Mulder and Scully used to smoke, and pick up the habit again whenever they are over-stressed or experiencing relationship angst.

20. Besides the unbelievably excruciating amount of trauma we saw Scully go through on the show, she has also been kidnapped, abducted, mugged, molested, and raped countless times. This almost always leads to Mulder-comfort ATTHS, naturally.

21. If Mulder and/or Scully don't feel up to actually having long, honest, moving conversations with each other in which they finally spill all their pent-up feelings, one or both of them will write it all down in a letter or email. This affords them the opportunity to try to formulate it so it can be as flowery and lyrical as a Chris Carter voiceover. Though neither M nor S actually wants the other to find said document, they will, ATTHS.

22. Mulder and Scully often are forced by circumstances beyond their control to share a bed at the end of the day, or, in the case of having been in a plane crash/being otherwise lost in the wilderness, having to huddle together for warmth at night. Far, far more often than not, ATTHS – especially if they have been having an increasingly hard time denying their primitive urges for each other throughout the day.

23. Once Scully finally began to remember what happened to her when she was abducted, the only possible outcome was to start constantly having paralyzing flashbacks and go catatonic. Of course this happened off-screen, and Mulder had to comfort her, ATTHS.

24. During the three months Scully believed Mulder was dead after “This Is Not Happening”, she was either hovering on the brink of insanity/suicide, or learning to love Doggett or Skinner (or both). Even if Scully did not fall for either of them, one or both had fallen head over heels for her by this time, but they both knew It Can Never Be because of her undying love for Mulder, and it was very angsty.

25. Everyone who sees Mulder and Scully together instantly notices that they are incredibly close – in fact, that they have a special bond never before seen and that could never be seen again. This will be so obvious to the random outside observer that the person cannot comprehend how Mulder and Scully themselves do not see it.

26. Scully is constantly thinking about how beautiful Mulder's expressive leaf/dark/forest/verdant/emerald green/hazel eyes are. She also often thinks about his attractiveness in terms of the appropriateness of his namesake animal. Mulder, on the other hand, fixates on Scully's beautiful fiery/titian/strawberry red hair (despite the fact that he is red/green colorblind), and her sapphire/deep/startlingly/piercing/summer-sky/ocean blue eyes. He also is haunted by the alluring floral/fruit scent of her shampoo.

27. Mulder and Scully must either have met before the show began, or been at the same place at the same time without knowing it but felt a strange connection, or at very least their families were connected. This must be, because Their Love Transcends Time And Space.

28. Mulder and Scully learned quickly to call each other Fox and Dana, though this really only happens off-screen. It often accompanies declarations of love (ATTHS).

29. Mulder continually thinks about how small/delicate/fragile/tiny/dwarfed Scully seems to him, especially in comparison to his clumsy/lumbering/hulking figure alongside her. Despite this, they both also always remark to themselves how well they fit together – particularly, of course, when they are having sex.

30. Mulder always refers to his sister as Sam, although this only happens off-screen.

31. If Mulder and Scully have a child other than William (which definitely happened or will happen later), he or she will be named Sam.

32. Emily is really Mulder's biological daughter as well, as are any similarly-created children.

33. Mulder and Scully never have a home-cooked meal together, only takeout or pizza. If one of them tries to cook for the other, especially Mulder, disaster will result and hijinks will ensue.

34. The Lone Gunmen can do absolutely anything Mulder or Scully need them to do in order to further the plot. Money is never an object.

35. Christmas almost always reminds Scully of Emily and makes her depressed. Mulder, on the other hand, always forgets and doesn't understand until something forcefully reminds him, and then he feels horrible guilty about it. He tries to cheer her up, ATTHS. This all happens off-screen

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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction

Postby SpecialAgent88 » June 13th, 2010, 7:28 pm

Very interesting points about Mulder and Scully, so very true in some cases. Thanks for sharing Killashandra.
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction

Postby Quest » June 14th, 2010, 6:05 am

I absolutely love this post. I have read many many fanfics and I do believe that most writers do follow this code. lol
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction

Postby joancrow » June 14th, 2010, 7:33 am

Some of the fanfics are so sexually hungry it is humorous. In the beginning of the XFiles, had Scully not been kidnapped and almost murdered the two would be sex monsters. But the events in the story made her somewhat frigid. Mulder had performance issues and was addicted to porn. IT made for great sexual tension. Some fans were lathering the whole time screaming "Do it!" THe writers of the XFiles were brilliant to keep it going like that.

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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction

Postby GillyDreamer78 » June 14th, 2010, 10:19 am

I remember I read this before on XFU when it was first posted and I was LMAO. But most of the writers follow this code, I read many fan fics and I know for this to be very true. LOL

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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction

Postby lyn89 » June 16th, 2010, 7:00 am

Yes I remember this. Once the list reaches the item about Bill being the biggest a-hole known to man I start to giggle...ATTHS :lol:
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby maurisap » June 16th, 2010, 12:07 pm

ATTHS forgot about 'Cerulean' blue as an apt description of Scully's orbs!
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby JeSouhaite » June 16th, 2010, 9:53 pm

As a first time fic writer... I would so love to break out of this mold; however, I cannot guarantee this. It seems as if Killa has put out a personal challenge for me. Sheesh... Now I have two stresses...
1. break the mold
2. be somewhat entertaining AND readable

Oh the pressure!
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby ObfuscatedAgent » June 19th, 2010, 7:14 pm

Haha I remember reading this list before as well, and I too love the bit about Bill lol. So true.

I love #15,

"15. The FBI holds frequent balls which all agents are required to attend. Scully secretly yearns for them, though she would never tell Mulder how much she dreams of dressing up for him and being on his arm. Mulder cherishes similar dreams, although he knows he can never be worthy of Scully. These often lead to declarations of love ATTHS."

...but I've never found a fic where a ball was involved; does anyone know of any because I like some fluff once in a while lol.
Maybe there's hope.

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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby Killashandra » June 25th, 2010, 4:42 pm

ObfuscatedAgent wrote:Haha I remember reading this list before as well, and I too love the bit about Bill lol. So true.

I love #15,

"15. The FBI holds frequent balls which all agents are required to attend. Scully secretly yearns for them, though she would never tell Mulder how much she dreams of dressing up for him and being on his arm. Mulder cherishes similar dreams, although he knows he can never be worthy of Scully. These often lead to declarations of love ATTHS."

...but I've never found a fic where a ball was involved; does anyone know of any because I like some fluff once in a while lol.



as soon as I have finished the fanfic section, I'll post you our cleche fic of last year that invoved a ball :lol: mmm maby I should go read it.

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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby RoseWilliams » June 27th, 2010, 5:41 pm

Oh my gosh, this was so funny. Why? Because it's true. I recognised all of these points from the hundreds of fanfics I've read. LOL. I'm going to be so weary of this when I write my next fic.

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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby ScullyIsMyHomegirl » January 12th, 2011, 9:46 pm

Ok I may be really slow on the uptake here but what does ATTHS stand for?? Just wondering.
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby MartinaBC » January 15th, 2011, 12:58 pm

Yes, what does ATTHS mean?

I have started to write a fanfiction story since October 2010 myself, and of course in my story Mulder and Scully have a romantic relationship and have sex. But I am more focussing on the ideas how they will go on after an invasion, how things on this plant would be and if they see William again. Ah, and in my fanfiction story Frohike falls in love with an alien woman (who looks very human of course...) :mrgreen:

I love all points of this topic, all so true....haha. ;)
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby Hanna » January 15th, 2011, 5:33 pm

Ahahaha! :lol:

This was the funniest thing I've read in ages.

Oh. ATTHS = And Then They Have Sex (see #4)

...

Yup, still laughing.
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby Agent Skulder » February 5th, 2011, 9:23 pm

This is without a doubt the funniest thing I've read in I don't know when. The original number one post (which was rescued from the original site) deserves to be somewhere on this forum on its own without follow-up posts. So whenever someone needs a huge smile they can go to it, without thinking "Now where was that thread?? "

For now, I'm bumping it up to the top so our newer members can enjoy!
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby sophiegeekarts » February 6th, 2011, 9:12 pm

I was drinking when I read this and almost ended up with water all over my keyboard! So true, especially the balls things, I've lost count how many times they're at a ball - generally New Year's Eve or Christmas. Also the fact that any kind of angst seems to be an instant aphrodisiac, I just finished one where they end up getting it on just after Emily's funeral... :?

I've got a couple to add:

36) Maggie Scully frequently ends up dating/shagging/married to AD Skinner.

37) Mulder & Scully frequently talk like teenagers and giggle at one another constantly when off-screen.

38) Besides balls, there are also frequent FBI picnics, baseball & softball games at which employee attendance is mandatory.

39) Most people that work at the J Edgar Hoover building are involved with some form of bet regarding Mulder & Scully's relationship/sexual status.


For ObfuscatedAgent, here's some with them at a ball

http://fluky.gossamer.org/display.php?N ... z.Donnilee (serious NC-17 warning!)

http://fluky.gossamer.org/display.php?B ... all.Raines

http://fluky.gossamer.org/display.php?F ... ualFBIBall

http://fluky.gossamer.org/display.php?I ... thYou.Lark

And that's just a selection from one archive, not even reaching halfway through the alphabet! Ok in looking for those links I just stumbled upon something which involved a drunk CGB Spender singing showtunes, I'm now going to bed because I think the world may be about to implode.
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby txf21 » April 14th, 2011, 3:18 pm

LMAO!! This one is my fav...

16. Using the elevator to reach the basement office (or any elevator, for that matter) is dangerous, as it often breaks down, leaving our intrepid agents trapped inside. They can make the best of it, however – ATTHS.

I knew I didn't like elevators (of Lifts as we call them in the UK) but if sex with Mulder was on the cards I'd gladly climb on in!!
I WANT TO BELIEVE

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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby IceQueen444 » May 14th, 2011, 1:17 pm

Also apparently Scully Got a desk! Of course only off screen LOL It's the x-file of the amazing appearing desk. I've read it a billion times and get very confused!

I love this little list though! LOL So funny! :appl
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby Agent Skulder » May 6th, 2012, 3:46 pm

Here's a memory question (for real). I'll explain why I'm asking via PM to anyone who KNOWS the answer.

Does anyone remember the origin of the acronym ATTHS - the WHEN, WHERE & BY WHOM???
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby JeSouhaite » May 7th, 2012, 8:51 pm

No, sorry. I think it's at least 4 or 5 years old, though.
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby ItsOutThere » June 23rd, 2014, 4:37 am

This absolutely made my day. I remember perusing around the site when this was first published (having never actually sat down to read a fan-fiction) so a lot of the humor was lost on me. In a nutshell there truly is no situation nor relationship that cannot be written into a fan-fiction.

Personally the strangest was a love triangle between CSM Spender, Skinner and Mulder...
But at least people are venting their creativity?! Maybe Fox will take a look at some of the post IWTB writings and get the ball rolling on an X-files 3 (A girl can dream!).
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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby barchick » February 9th, 2016, 2:57 pm

I cannot believe I have not seen this before today. Hilarious!

I think we have also learned that Krycek will pretty much have sex with anyone, and anyone will have sex with Krycek.. despite the fact that he killed Scully's sister, murdered Mulder's father and threatened Skinner's life on multiple occasions, the man is so so irresistible that everyone forgives him...ATTHS

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Re: The Things I've Learnt From X Files Fanfiction: ATTHS

Postby Andrew80 » February 9th, 2016, 5:03 pm

Unlike the show, Scully's role in fanfiction is not to investigate cases. It's to "keep Mulder sane" and comfort him, usually by sleeping in the same bed (they go to sleep in separate rooms, Scully hears Mulder cry or having a nightmare, she comes to his bed and slips under his covers, she strokes his hair and repeats Mulder it's ok (you are having a nightmare), he hugs her. In this order) with him. Either they have sex, or they just sleep together and have sex the very next night.